Grumpy Gamer: Ten Ways to Leave Your Guild
Recently, one of my guilds in one of my main games had a major breakdown,
and a large percentage of the endgame players jumped ship. The reasoning
behind it was complex and unfortunate, but it started a chain reaction
among the other guild-members, and membership rapidly declined even
further over the following days. It left the original guild a gutted shell
of its former self, with the rest of us holding the shredded, deflated
Those of us who stayed saw a lot of variety in the way the defectors
chose to leave the guild. For the most part, these departures were
undramatic; people would just leave without saying anything, cycling
through and pulling their alts from the roster one at a time. Some
defectors, however, left a lasting impression. They went out with a
Here, then, are some of the ways our ex-members used to weasel out. Please
keep in mind that, as the recipient/victim of all of these exit strategies,
I am not condoning this behavior in any way.
1. The Gentleman's Exit -
Politely inform the guild that you are leaving, perhaps even offer a
reason why, drop a note to your guild leader, wish everyone well, and part
ways without any drama. A classy exit like this is, unfortunately, rather
The Cartman - Cuss everyone out and bail. No
reason needed or given - "Screw you guys, I'm going to 'Angles of the
3. The Spartacus -
Build up an army of core, clique-y players. When the tyrannical guild
leader finally goes too far, stage a mass exodus and take the whole army
with you. Ideally, this happens during a PvP match, and the exiting army
kills the guild leadership. If the leader of the army shouts "FREEDOM!"
during the exodus, this is called the Braveheart.
4. The Fifth Columnist
- Act as a secret agent for the guild you wish to defect to, weakening the
old guild from within. Sow the seeds of insurrection and discontent by
questioning everything the guild's leadership says and does. Form a
"secret society" of like-minded malcontents to spread the same propaganda.
Bonus points for causing other members to defect to the same new guild, or
for inspiring a coup d'etat. If the defector does not have a pro-new-guild
agenda and is just doing these things because he's a miserable person,
this strategy is called The Cancer.
5. The Heist - Raid the guild banks or vaults on your
way out. Take anything of value, as much as you can carry (or as much as
you are permitted to withdraw according to the permissions) and leave no
trace that you were ever there. If you work with a team and you can all
make your getaway in Mini Coopers, even better.
6. The Hulk - A more violent version
of the Cartman, except with an explicitly-declared reason for quitting,
usually heavily spiced with profanities and grievous insults. The ultimate
rage-quit, where you almost feel bad afterwards about all the horrible
things you said on your way out. Almost.
7. Order 66 - You must be a
high-ranking officer in your guild to execute Order 66. Begin booting
people from the guild, starting with the newest recruits (the younglings)
and working your way up to higher-ranking officers. Works best if you are
in a position to assume leadership of the guild due to an inactive leader,
and it's also better if you get other loyal officers to commit the
atrocities for you. But if you are not in a position to take control of
the guild, it's one hell of a way to make an exit.
- Start demanding too much attention in guild chat, all the time. When
people get sick of it and start ignoring you, threaten to leave the guild
fifteen times or so. When you do finally leave, go out in a blaze of glory
by calling everyone selfish, ignorant or otherwise awful in a dramatic
farewell soliloquy. Bonus points if you can work in the phrase, "You just
don't get it, do you?" If you follow this up by trashing your former guild
in general chat in a series of psychotic rants, this is called the Charlie
9. The Short Troll - Force the guild's leadership to
give you the boot. You can accomplish this by flagrantly violating your
guild's stated rules of conduct. Bust in with something super-offensive
and jerky, call all of the guild's leaders morons. Rapid-fire policy abuse
is sure to result in a swift boot.
10. The Long
Troll - More of a long-term goal. Start being a complete
jerkwad, but without actually violating any specific guild rules. Annoy
your guild, but don't specifically harass anyone. Start pointless
arguments, get offended often, take teasing too far, crack offensive jokes
and then immediately apologize, etc. You want to bend the rules but not
break them, and you want to push your guild-mates to the limits of their
tolerance. If you have the patience, do this in waves - troll for a while,
then stop as though you learned your lesson, then start again. Eventually,
you will get kicked out. Unless the entire guild behaves in the same way,
in which case you are better off with something more direct.
These are mostly all terrible ways to leave a guild, and you will be
reviled for using them. Your reasons for ditching your crew can be simple
or complex, personal or professional, but there is almost never a need to
resort to base behavior and childishness. Don't take that baggage and
hostility with you to your new guild. If you must leave, take the high
road and show some class. Your new guild will thank you for it, and your
old guild might not hate you quite so much.