On Friday, November 28th of 2008 Ronald “Pwncakes”
Esterhouse logged out of a largely popular online role-playing game for
the last time. He emptied out his vendor trash one last time,
taunted the people in general chat with a tear in his eye, and then
exited the client.
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I quit!
The game in question (kept hidden to protect those involved in this
scandal) had broken Ronald’s heart with a recent patch that
altered his class’ mechanics significantly.
[the developers] didn’t listen to every angry post I made on
the official forums,” Pwncakes said in an interview with Ten
Ton Turnip. “Maybe they weren’t reading
my daily blog complaints, or the e-mails I repeatedly sent customer
service.” Indeed it seemed that [the developers]
simply did not care what crazy demands Mr. Esterhouse was making.
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After cancelling his
account, and filling out the requisite questionnaire on the
game’s website, Ronald proceeded to the game’s
official forums to voice his goodbyes in an official manner.
Here is his post, in its entirety:
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“Dear [Players
of this game], [your game] sucks and you all suck at it. This
recent patch is a slap to the face, and I am certain that I could
design it better were I given the chance. I am off to play
something made by people who are more competent than the monkeys who
made this game, and populated by players who don’t suck so
much. I will never come back to this stupid game again.
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Yours truly,
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Pwncakes”
Mr. Esterhouse was amazed when he sat refreshing page on his browser
repeatedly for over an hour, and not one person replied to his post
even after he “bumped” it to the top of the
listings with clever phrases such as
“bump-a-rewski” and
“bumpity-bump-bump.” So now
Ronald’s character sits unused on the game’s
servers. His account is dormant for the foreseeable future,
and the adventures of Pwncakes seem all but finished. When
questioned what events would need to take place for him to make a
return to the game in question, Mr. Esterhouse left us with this quote:
that? Has a patch come? There’s a new
quest-line to do? This other game’s not that
great… maybe I should resubscribe? Should I
re-subscribe? I never I said I’d never
re-subscribe. If I did, it was just my passion for the
game. I love that game. I would never say
it’s bad. I’ll be right back;
I’ve got to go get a time-card from the game store.
Help yourself to some soda while I’m gone.”
Indeed, the will of Mr. Esterhouse is a mighty beast.
