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Daily Column

Loading... How many licks does it take to get to the center of Loading? The world may never know.

First, the Ten Ton Pulse, your finger on the beating heart of the MMOG industry.

If the Top 10 isn't enough, we now show the Top 20 and Top 50 lists as well, available to everyone on our homepage. (What is Pulse?)

  1. Age of Conan - 200 BPM
  2. World of Warcraft - 20 BPM
  3. Lord of the Rings Online - 7 BPM
  4. EverQuest 2 - 5 BPM
  5. Lineage 2 - 5 BPM
  6. Warhammer Online - 5 BPM
  7. EVE Online - 4 BPM
  8. Guild Wars - 4 BPM
  9. Vanguard - 3 BPM
  10. Pirates of the Burning Sea - 3 BPM

AoC players, we have an Age of Conan Feats Calculator up. Built by TenTonHammer.com for you. We love you guys. (wipes tears)

It's almost like the media wants to sensationalize what developers say. Imagine that! In a recent interview with CVG, Paul Barnett, Creative Director on Warhammer Online made the following statement in regards to a question about MMOGs on consoles,

"You would have to build something very console centric from the get-go. I think probably the best chance of someone doing something like that is Nintendo - doing something crazy that no one expects." -- CVG

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Paul wearing his signature glasses.

This one comment has picked up by so many blogs, half-wit rags and legitimate media outlets that it has taken on a life of its own. An EA employee saying that Nintendo can do something better. This is a nugget that bloggers can latch on to and make a huge stink about!

It doesn't hurt that Paul is an eccentric, outrageous, passionate force behind EA's big dog on the 'coming soon' porch. He makes flamboyant statements all of the time. It's his nature. He is the perfect target for something like this. He says the things that other people are thinking, but don't want to say.

It also isn't like this is an epiphany that Paul had over tea and crumpets last Friday while painting Warhammer figures. Anyone in the industry understands that conventional MMOGs don't migrate elegantly to the console environment.

If conventional MMOGs don't work well, then it must be an unconventional idea that will break the console barrier. No company is better at unconventional than Nintendo. They have you yearning to play a plumber for bloody sakes. Your infatuation with a blue hedgehog is astonishing and don't even get me started on the androgynous product that they call Link. He's a boy, now a girl, now a wolf. It's all so uncomfortable, but you want more, more, more!

Let's take the plumber, the hedgehog and the man-girl and put them in a fighting game. Let's have them race go-carts! Unconventional is what Nintendo is. Have you used a DS lately? They have people doing math and screaming "Rock, Paper, Scissors!" into a hand-held device and calling it entertainment. If you can make rock, paper, scissors compelling enough that people are paying $19.95 to play it then you have some gaming panache, which is probably why a person like Paul Barnett recognizes Nintendo as the innovator that they are.

Paul isn't saying that EA can't do it. He's saying that Nintendo has proven time and time again that they can. He's right! Get over it! If a developer says something negative about another company the press is all over it like a hobo on a ham sandwich. If a developer says something nice they receive the same reaction. What is left? Are we forcing developers to act like pro athletes during an interview? "We did our best out there. The other teams are great. We just need to stick to our game plan."

Then there are the conspiracy theorists who believe that Paul's comment and that of Josh Drescher, Associate Producer, in which he commented that WAR had been built to sustain at least five years of content were timed to take some wind out of the Age of Conan launch. The wave of WAR beta keys that went out yesterday adds to the theory. How many blogs will post about this today? I'll bet lots and if another one of you steals my comparison of Hyboria to Mos Eisley, "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy", I'm going to come over there virtually turn you inside-out. Write your own shtick.

To the masses of bloggers out there who feel that you need to spew your opinion into the ether because somebody cares. We don't. You're taking yourselves too seriously. That's a problem for both you and me. You're clogging up my Google Alerts with drivel. Your noise hurts my eyes. Worse, it hurts the guys like Paul who won't be able to say constructive things to the media for fear of it being taken and blown into a huge shitstorm that their marketing department (who doesn't know the industry as well as Paul) has to clean up.

Oh, and I have this... enjoy!

Paul Barnett gets personal.

1. What brand of computer do you use? Mac
2. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? 2347 AD
3. What is your favorite food? Edible
4. What brand/model of vehicle do you drive? Don't care
5. Who is your favorite industry personality? Jack Welch
6. When was the last time that you cried? About a week ago
7. Do you have pets? If so, what are they? Names? None
8. The time you remember most when a teacher yelled at you? In assembly, I was talking
9. Favorite candy bar? Jaffa Cakes
10. What games did you play in the last week? Tribal Wars
11. Favorite Cereal? Frosties
12. What are your hobbies? painting
13. Where did you grow up? Lots of places
14. What is the last YouTube video that you watched? Me!
15. What is your favorite TV show? The thick of it
16. Oprah or Springer? Neither
17. Dogs or cats? Neither
18. What is the first MMOG or MUD that you ever played? Shades on Prestel in the UK
19. You have been chosen to represent the human race, aliens pick you up and bring you to their leader, your first sentence is? Smile, stand still
20. Benny Hill...genius or idiot? Both
21. Favorite Looney Tunes line? I liked the coyote, I don't think he said anything
22. What is the first game that you ever worked on? My Mud Terris
23. Coffee or Tea? Coffee
24. Cake or Pie or Pi? None
25. What is your favorite sport to watch? Spot the lousy Designer
26. What is your favorite sport to play? Being a lousy designer

And Finally….

27. The Universe decides you hold all the cards....what's your first move? Cheating

Thanks Paul for being a sport and divulging your inner-most fears and joys.

Until tomorrow. The Loading Forums await you. Do you feel the need to contact me personally with naughty pictures or derogatory comments? Here's my E-mail.

[A big thanks to Phil Comeau for putting together the links, headlines and taglines today. ]

21 new MMOG hand-crafted articles today! 184 in May! 1203 in 2008!

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- John "Boomjack" Hoskin and the Ten Ton Hammer Team

Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016

About The Author

Hoskin 0
Dissecting and distilling the game industry since 1994. Lover of family time, youth hockey, eSports, and the game industry in general.