Editorial by Coyote, Ten Ton Hammer's MMOG Humorist

As a rule, geek flesh (be it white, black, brown, tan or a sickly shade
of green from one too many energy drinks) does not typically fair well
under the unforgiving rays of the dreaded "Day Star".  The
shining orb of pain, the merciless burner of flesh…

The Sun.

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EVE Online gamers are
often tempted by the lure of tanned bodies and skimpy bikinis.

The beast that lurks high in the sky of the fabled land of "Outside" is
held with both fear and respect. Few of our kind dare venture there
willingly, for those who do often face the peril of the “full
time job”, or other terrors so horrific that this writer
cannot bear to mention. And while many a gamer has been known to lose
whole days to our nurturing world of online play without a second
thought or care; as the temperature goes up...

...server loads in MMOGs actually go down.

You see, when the good weather hits even the pastiest of geeklings will
occasionally squint upwards and cautiously venture outside. Fresh air,
blinding sunlight, and a myriad of other wonders (that are usually
alien to our breed) rouse us from our gaming cocoons. And as we stumble
from the safety of our lairs and into the light, it becomes evident:

Summertime is here, and that means the MMOGs are going to suffer.

It isn't coincidence that most new games or their expansions are
scheduled for release either in the early spring or late fall. Virtual
worlds need to appeal to you more than the real world in order to
ensure a successful launch, and what better incentive than the less
hospitable months? The biting cold, bone chilling winds and icy rains
of the other seasons keep us indoors and looking for sources of
entertainment that don't involve shoveling, raking, or shivering

MMOG's offer that comfort.  

When the days grow shorter and colder you can forget about the
harshness of your surroundings as you cozy up to your computer and
leave the cruelty of the real world behind.  But when the
warmth of summer (and with it the promise of tanned skin and skimpy
bikinis) shines forth, no amount of online adventuring can compare.
Computer generated worlds are left forgotten as the real world is once
again explored. Brokers go unchecked, dragons unslain and treasures
unclaimed as we lay down our digital arms and for a few rare months do
what we’ve been told to do countless times.

We get lives.

But fear not; our MMOGs wait for us. And as they wait they scheme and
plot ways to pull us back. Fanfaires, conventions, and summer summits
are scheduled to keep relationships with the community fresh and to
steal back a few sunny days where we may not have thought about our
game of choice. Conventions, gatherings and meet-and-greets spring
forth to show case new products that will be ready when you eventually
come home. All of which are painstakingly designed around a single

To remind you that: “Hey, we’re still here for

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The World of Warcraft
will still be there when you return from your adventure in the sun.

Summer will fade into autumn, and bring allergies and yard work that
needs to be avoided. New games and worlds will be released and tempt us
to hole up for the cold winter months, and as spring breaks to summer
the entire dance will begin again. Not unlike the cycle of the

…just, you know, with more doughy flesh and pop culture
movie quotes. Plus a lot less fluttering and flowers because we have
allergies and pollen is like Satan’s personal pixie dust.

But I digress.

So what does the summer mean for your MMOG? Will it wither and die
without you to populate its servers? Will it scoff and scorn your
return like a jilted lover? Or will it simply no longer be there when
you come crawling back?

The truth is, your MMOG needs this break as well. It doesn’t
want to see you go and would do anything in its power to keep you glued
to your computer chair. But since you’re not going to be
there, why waste the free time? Much needed patches, fixes, and spit
and polish is applied during the light loads. Code is written, worlds
are tested and like ants harvesting during the warmth to stockpile for
the cold months ahead, they prepare. Because they know that
you’ll be back.

…you always come back.

And when you do they’ll greet you like an old friend. No
animosity or bruised egos, only cheer. They’ll show you what
you missed while you were out sowing your wild oats and with a little
bit of luck they’ll tempt you to stay a day or two longer
next time. They depend on us for life as much as we’ve come
to depend on them for entertainment and they rest secure in the
knowledge that even the unmatched delights of summer can’t
keep us away forever.

Unless the bikinis are really skimpy.

Then MMOG’s are done.


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The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed are those of the author
and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of
the Ten Ton Hammer network or staff.

Last Updated: Mar 13, 2016