An offhanded, if truthful, account of the many anagrams, abbreviations, and associations that make up the MMOG players lexicon!

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By John "Neddie" Hammond

Introduction:

It was while staked out naked, covered with honey, and left for dead in the Thundering Steppes at the hands of his fellow group members that the idea of compiling a lexicon of MMOG terms came to Neddie Seagoon. While a menagerie of deadly creatures wearing halfling bibs assembled to wait for his roasting eyeballs to reach serving temperature, he had an opportunity to reflect on the reasons for his regrettable predicament.

He concluded that it was merely the result of a silly misunderstanding. Had he but known that “AFK” did not, in fact, mean “alright for killing”, he might not have precipitated the premature (in hindsight) engagement with an entire tribe of Amazon Hedgewitches by slapping the High Priestess on the butt and inquiring “got any of that for me, sweet cheeks?”. As it turned out, she did. Eyewitnesses report that the ensuing screams made strong men weep. Group members that somehow managed to survive the carnage expressed considerable disappointment at how events had unfolded.

“What we have here,” mused a Bloodtalon in a chef’s hat as it basted Neddie’s nether regions with niblet gravy “is a fail-yure to com-oo-nicate”. “How true”, sobbed the wiser Seagoon. And he pledged to create henceforth a glossary that would explain the lexicon of MMOGs for the benefit and betterment of all. And the residuals, of course. Ten Ton Hammer is pleased to present to you the results of his labor and venal nature.

(Erratum: we have taken the liberty of correcting Mr. Seagoon’s compendium in one small respect. A “Lamia Tickler” is, in fact a weapon, and not related to the french tickler, as Mr. Seagoon would seem to suggest - ed.)

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• lvl 37 Swashbuckler
• lvl 2 1/2 Crafting Drudge
• Halfling
• Oggok Server
• Raised as Halfling. Full Ling on mother’s side. Indeterminate lineage on father’s side. Likely traceable to the Gnome University Basketball Team.
• Identified as having “special needs”- received education at the Qeynos Institute for the Morally Handicapped.
• Identified as having “really, really special needs” - expelled from Institute.
• Enrolled in Qeynos Armed Guard. Drummed out of regiment after nasty unpleasantness involving regimental mascot, a barrel of jumjum juice, and the Captain’s daughter.
• Founded the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Gnolls. Resigned after audit disclosed trust funds had been diverted to the Seagoon Society for Ecdysiast Studies.
• Ordained as minister by Church of Seagoonology. Escaped with minor burns after being tied to stake by congregation after unfortunate incident involving a bog faerie, a barrel of “holy” jumjum juice and the warden’s daughter.
• Accepted as Ten Ton Hammer Guild recruit by lying about his height. Became full member due to clerical error.