5 Things You Won't See At BlizzCon
Welcome to this fourth day of November, 2014. I’m John “Boomjack” Hoskin and this is Here Comes The Boom – EP #30
There is no event on the planet, run by a single game developer that generates as much excitement as BlizzCon.
Let me paint you a picture of what happens when the doors open in the morning.
First – imagine thousands of people milling about outside of a wall of doors that extends for as far as the eye can see.
Now imagine Whack-A-Mole in reverse as they are all trying to guess which doors will open and allow them to poke their heads through first. It is all friendly, a cloud of like-minded individuals brought together by a common love.
The doors open like the gates of Heaven, light and sound flood out and the modicum of generosity and sensibility gets trampled in the ensuing stampede to the Blizzard store and front row seats in the various halls.
At my last BlizzCon the rush to the store was so energetic that people knocked others down and obliterated parts of the “crowd control” velvet ropes that are meant to cattle herd as long a line as possible into the smallest possible space.
Imagine if you will, running with the bulls
Mixed with two lovers running in slow motion across a meadow.
Once the initial tidal wave of humanity floods into the convention center the experience becomes more like surfing and less like a normal gaming event. You paddle against the current past the hall you want to be in to find the perfect wave of gamers that are “flowing” towards the area where you want to be and then you just hop a ride and drift along with them until you make your exit and say the words that you will hear more than any other….
“Are these seats taken?”
If you have your heart set on seeing a particular portion of this event, get there early. No joke.
Five Things That Won’t Happen at BlizzCon 2014
5 – A foreigner (SC2-speak for a non-Korean) will win the StarCraft II World Championship.
4 – Hearthstone fans will scream at the top of their lungs when an incredible and never before revealed strategy is used.
3 – Playstation and XBox players will agree that Diablo III on the PC is the best way to play the game.
2 – The World of Warcraft expansion will be revealed as a huge joke on the players with the expansion actually being a Dance Dance Revolution spin-off held in…where else… Goldshire.
1 – Samwise will introduce the closing heavy metal act who will make homophobic slurs and tell all Alliance players to die. (Wait, that happened in 2011.)
I’ll be at BlizzCon, spending most of my time covering the Starcraft II championships? Will you be there?
What is your "Won't Happen at Blizzcon this year" list?
Now on to something more entertaining
Vin Diesel Fact: Vin Diesel was removed from the encyclopedia because nobody searches for Vin Diesel, he simply finds you.
Because the real world is usually more humorous than the virtual one. Here are some real world stories. You can’t make this stuff up.
- From the Slow-Moving-Predator-Sign-Dept. – Man Killed On Road By Combine
- From the Grumpy-Sleepy-Bashful-Demented-Dept. – Short Men More Likely To Get Dementia
If you received even an iota of enjoyment from this then please support both myself and TenTonHammer by doing one of more of the following:
- Read my previous columns
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- HCTB 28: All About That Base
- HCTB 27: Sexually Suggestive Content Gets Twitched
- HCTB 26: Memories and Moments
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- HCTB 8: Need For Speed or Gaming Gourmand
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- HCTB 6: Dear LPBs and Twitch
- HCTB 5: Comments
- HCTB 4: If MMO Fans Were World Cup Fans
- HCTB 3: Censored
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- HCTB 1: EA vs Activision
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