Welcome to the 27th edition of Reloading…
"Don’t geniuses live in lamps?” – Patrick Star
Everyone can use a feel good moment to start the day. Let’s go with this…
And so, at 5:00 am in the morning, my phone rang. If you are anything at all like me, you immediately think the worst. Nobody and I mean nobody calls someone at 5:00 am unless it is a dire emergency. I say this because who on this side of the planet is up at 5:00 am? The anxiety of rushing to get the phone at such an hour is borne on a wave of fear created as our sleep deprived minds try to determine what in the name of peanut butter would not only force someone out of their warm bed at 5:00 am, but prompt them to call somebody else. It can’t be good.
So, I stumble out of bed, rush to get to the phone before three rings, because we all know that the fourth ring goes to voicemail and whoever woke me up is going to hang up the phone no matter how important the issue.
Ring…
Ring…
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Ring…
Ri…hangup – “Sure the house is on fire, but I’m not talking to a damn machine!”
As I get to the phone, just as the third ring begins I see a number on our call display that I don’t recognize. First off, it’s a number and not a name. I generally construe this to mean that it is somebody who doesn’t want me to know who they are. It might be a telemarketer or maybe the dentist, regardless it’s somebody that you never, ever, pick up the phone to talk to.
I’m up and disturbed (boy am I disturbed), so I answer the phone.
It’s a fax, obviously from someone in a third world country since everyone else has e-mail. I hang up.
I climb back into bed. 10 minutes go by and I’m back to sleep when.
Ring…
Ring…
Ring…
Are you kidding me? It’s autodialing me every 10 minutes. I shake my fist at our toner filled overlords and unplug the phone. Not exactly the start to the day that I was looking for. You can’t do much to combat a fax machine, just ask Sarah Connor, but you can have some fun with telemarketers. Here’s how…
The next time that a telemarketer calls, respond only with quotes from your favourite MMOG. I’ll use World of Warcraft as an example.
Top 10 World of Warcraft quotes to say to telemarketers.
10. Break yourselves upon my body.
9. I will paint my face with your blood.
8. Too soon! You have called me too soon executus! What is the meaning of this intrusion?
7. BooooooneStooooorm!
6. Prepare yourselves, the bells have tolled. Shelter your weak, your young and your old! Each of you shall pay the final sum! CRY for mercy! THE RECKONING has come!
5. Time is money friend! (Repeat using your best goblin voice without stopping until they hangup.
4. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Time for a new game. My old toys will fight my new toys.
3. Death is close. You are already dead. Your courage will fail. Your friends will abandon you. You will betray your friends. You will die. You are weak. Your heart will explode.
2. Madness has brought you here to me. I shall be your undoing. Simple fools, time is the fire by which you burn. I see the subtlety of conception is beyond primitives such as you.
1. Please no more! My son, he’s gone mad. Who are you? What do you want? Stay away from me! I want this nightmare to be over!
Share your thoughts on something from the column today or just in general. Do you know which Warcraft NPC says each quote?
Until we meet again,
John “Boomjack” Hoskin
"Don’t geniuses live in lamps?” – Patrick Star
Everyone can use a feel good moment to start the day. Let’s go with this…
And so, at 5:00 am in the morning, my phone rang. If you are anything at all like me, you immediately think the worst. Nobody and I mean nobody calls someone at 5:00 am unless it is a dire emergency. I say this because who on this side of the planet is up at 5:00 am? The anxiety of rushing to get the phone at such an hour is borne on a wave of fear created as our sleep deprived minds try to determine what in the name of peanut butter would not only force someone out of their warm bed at 5:00 am, but prompt them to call somebody else. It can’t be good.
So, I stumble out of bed, rush to get to the phone before three rings, because we all know that the fourth ring goes to voicemail and whoever woke me up is going to hang up the phone no matter how important the issue.
Ring…
Ring…
Ri…hangup – “Sure the house is on fire, but I’m not talking to a damn machine!”
As I get to the phone, just as the third ring begins I see a number on our call display that I don’t recognize. First off, it’s a number and not a name. I generally construe this to mean that it is somebody who doesn’t want me to know who they are. It might be a telemarketer or maybe the dentist, regardless it’s somebody that you never, ever, pick up the phone to talk to.
I’m up and disturbed (boy am I disturbed), so I answer the phone.It’s a fax, obviously from someone in a third world country since everyone else has e-mail. I hang up.
I climb back into bed. 10 minutes go by and I’m back to sleep when.
Ring…
Ring…
Ring…
Are you kidding me? It’s autodialing me every 10 minutes. I shake my fist at our toner filled overlords and unplug the phone. Not exactly the start to the day that I was looking for. You can’t do much to combat a fax machine, just ask Sarah Connor, but you can have some fun with telemarketers. Here’s how…
The next time that a telemarketer calls, respond only with quotes from your favourite MMOG. I’ll use World of Warcraft as an example.
Top 10 World of Warcraft quotes to say to telemarketers.
10. Break yourselves upon my body.
9. I will paint my face with your blood.
8. Too soon! You have called me too soon executus! What is the meaning of this intrusion?
7. BooooooneStooooorm!
6. Prepare yourselves, the bells have tolled. Shelter your weak, your young and your old! Each of you shall pay the final sum! CRY for mercy! THE RECKONING has come!
5. Time is money friend! (Repeat using your best goblin voice without stopping until they hangup.
4. NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Time for a new game. My old toys will fight my new toys.
3. Death is close. You are already dead. Your courage will fail. Your friends will abandon you. You will betray your friends. You will die. You are weak. Your heart will explode.
2. Madness has brought you here to me. I shall be your undoing. Simple fools, time is the fire by which you burn. I see the subtlety of conception is beyond primitives such as you.
1. Please no more! My son, he’s gone mad. Who are you? What do you want? Stay away from me! I want this nightmare to be over!
Share your thoughts on something from the column today or just in general. Do you know which Warcraft NPC says each quote?
Until we meet again,
John “Boomjack” Hoskin
APB Reloaded Review
APB established itself a game of cat and mouse, of cops and robbers, and of good and evil, and GamersFirst sought to make good on that promise. Were they able to turn Realtime Worlds' customizable rags into gameplay riches?
Beyond the Legend - A Q&A with Author Sean Stalzer
The Syndicate’s Sean Stalzer has cemented his status as one of the leading voices for community-centric MMOG gaming. We asked Sean about some of the teaching tips and more controversial aspects relayed in his second book: The Syndicate: Beyond the Legend.
Flying the Maller in EVE Online
The Amarr race is famous for making the toughest ships around. One of their toughest tech one ships is the Maller, a recently re-skinned cruiser with some of the hardest armor around.
World of Tanks 6.5 Rolls Out Today
American tank destroyers, new premium light tanks, and two new maps highlight the latest update in this surging free-to-play shooter.
Champions Online Issue 5 Released Today
After a day's delay, Champions Online players can head into the towers of the Kings of Edom to rescue Luther Black and the remaining soldiers lost in the Qliphothic Realm.
SWTOR to Feature 200 Hours of Gameplay Per Class
For those keeping score at home, that's over 1,200 hours of content - not including crafting and raids - says EA BioWare's Frank Gibeau.
Epic Thread of the Week
We offered to give our premium members a Bag Full O' Swag from E3, which prompted several of you to profess your love for us in the Members Only forum where we list all the incredibly cool stuff we give away on a weekly (yes, weekly) basis.
To say this thread took a rapid turn for the disturbing would be an understatement. You probably just have to see it for yourself. If you're a premium member, you can get disturbed (and possibly entertained, though we won't guarantee it) right here. If not (and why not, when premium membership is just this awesome?), you can indulge your voyeuristic tendencies by subscribing here and then taking a peek.
PlayerScore Update 4.8.01 Released
Ten Ton Hammer has released a new version of PlayerScore, the must-have scoring addon for WoW Players. Most changes are to increase compatibility with WoW v4.2, and to fix a chain of recent bugs people have been reporting:
- The addon has been modified to work for WoW 4.2.
- PvP GearScore's tooltip replaced the old out-dated PVE score's tooltip.
- Fixed a bug where fury warrior's Equipped Average Item Level was always reporting 0
- Updated the Raiding Difficult to include Firelands raids.
- And much more!
Download the update at playerscore.com.
From the Toto-Wears-A-Seatbelt-Dept. --
Kansas raises speed limit to 75MPH
From the What-Could-Go-Wrong?-Dept. --
Event: Open Bar, Ziplining and Wal-Mart Parking
From the Six-More-Weeks-Of-Shots-Dept. –
Woman Bitten By Rabid Groundhog
© 2011 Ten Ton Hammer
